What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
