somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
