My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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