We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
