nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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