I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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