Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
