My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
