2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
