I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
