I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
