That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
