This is not my ceiling
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just high enough for therapy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
