Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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