Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
