he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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