I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
someone owes me an orgasm
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
