areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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