so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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