i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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