Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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