just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
