what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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