Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
