We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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