My Higher Power is John Stamos
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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