Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize