he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
