my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
