taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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