Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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