how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
