I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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