I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
