He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
