Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
