Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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