Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
