If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
