We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
