when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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