Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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