I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My life is pants optional.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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