Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
