That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
