Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
