It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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