I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
