you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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