filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
