I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
