As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
