Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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