her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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