Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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