that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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