quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
