therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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