you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
