i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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