Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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