Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
