i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
