Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
