I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
