Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
