Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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